Uh this is kinda intended for a friend but. I don't care what happens with you and him, but if you commit suicide I think I would go crazy. The world doesn't revolve around the two of you's relationship but . . . alot of us care about you.


P.S. I wish you would have told me about what you did.

Hey babes, Sorry I've been gone so long, school and shit ensues (and every other excuse I can think of). . . Haven't been doing too good lately. . . at first I thought it was due to getting over a crush and then realized that maybe it was because I was just extremely jealous of a certain developing relationship only to finally come to understand that I am totally, irrevocably, and undeniably lonely. I never found myself to be THAT greedy or in total need of attention or that constant reminder that someone finds me important, which in a small way could be related to a tad bit of jealousy. . . I just feel like the secondary character in my friends story book fairy tale only I'm an evil step sister and she's flashy and gorgeous Cinderella. But I don't hate her, in fact that's so far from the truth, she's the one person I trust the absolute most and would hate to lose her as a friend. But I find myself greedily looking over her lj entries and myspace items just to see if she mentions me. I guess I feel like I'm no one's real number one and I'll always be second best. Perhaps it's somewhat due to my families constant moving and never really staying in one place. I'm also finding myself easily agitated and pissy constantly towards my friends, and I usually end up saying some mean selfish things that I regret later. Apart of me wants to distance myself from the group but I know that's just a cry for attention. I think through all of this I've also come to realize that I'm very afraid of them growing to resent my personality and have constant fears of following in Melissa's foot steps. . . I'm starting to force new attitudes upon them in a way of maybe making myself more likable by saying things like "haha what's that?!?!?" and acting like the innocent naive type when I know the answer or am totally unfazed by things. (Though I honestly can say I'm really baffled when it comes to the subject of music). I know I'm smart and can get straight A's no problem but I'm more concerned with chatting with classmates or doodling pictures. Maybe I over think things but I guess overall all I really want is not to become second best to Mr. Boytoyron. . . :(

EDIT: lol just read BOTH of their lj's. They're just two little bugs in love and I both with they BOTH like eachother!!!! D:< SAY ILU ALREADY!

Woah hey guys. . . sup how ya beens.

God it's been forever since I've posted anything. The weight problems are still there but I'm not letting it rule me like before. I've gotten contacts and I'm starting to wear them everyday. I find myself going back to friends journals and finding out a whole shitload of drama has been going down (Rorek omg I'm so sorry about you and Nick, and I can't believe your all the way in Texas!!) (Neo_Ragdolls OMG CALIFORNIA AND BABIES :D!?!?) Life couldn't be better for me right now though because now with the freedom of a car and license I can go visit lauren and timmy often! I'm finally going places with friends and stuff and jesus christ I come home exhausted from over powering joy. My job that I tried quitting before is ending today FINALLY! So now I can hang with Lauren and everybody more (Mainly lauren for I will drag her ass out with me and we'll go job hunting niggah). I cannot wait to for halloween parties at lauren's next weekend which I finally get to pass out candy, and then the awesomeness that is her sleepovers will ensue. My mom has also sort of given me the A-Ok to go to neko on friday saturday AND sunday heck yeah. But getting up everymorning to go will suck. . . I've been doing good about food the past few days and occupying myself with other activities to keep my mind off it and it's not that hard now. But I plan to start keeping up with the journal and all my old buddies! So tah tah for now but new posts will be up soon.

PS YDER AND NANURI 07 FOR SALLLLLE: http://www.denofangels.com/forums/showthread.php?t=252169

Okay so I've been thinking and if I really want my super image transformation to truly WOW people I have vowed to isolate myself over the summer/ 3 month period. My schedule will mainly consist of SIA, GYM, WORK! I am determined to be skinny D:!

I will talk to all my buds on aim and will probably meet up mayyyyybe once or twice but when I do I will wear nerd glasses, hair up, and a baggy fat t-shirt!

Things to get accomplished over the summer:
-lose 40 to 50 lbs (60lbs would rock too :3)
-get contacts
-buy a new wardrobe
-get perma extensions
-braces
-BUY AN AWESOME PAIR OF SUNGLASSES D:!( I haven't worn any in like 10 years)
-get a new phone!(I already know I'm getting one and it's sexy I'm so happy :D!

WISH ME LUCK BITCHES :D

I LOVED /B/ AND 4CHAN FIRST RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (this is dedicated proof to a certain person who doesn't know this is about them :3)

Ah lately I've been really worried about my weight. I weigh 160 and I'm 5'4!
It all started last year when someone who was my friend at the time wrote me a letter saying I was fat and smelled like fish. Since then I've been extremely scared as to what people think of me and have become a harsh critique on myself. I really think I'm some obese cow who needs to stop eating and I'm starting to think anorexia is a sort of Ugly/Beautiful look and for some reason I want to achieve it. I know my friends are worried and don't think I'm fat but I can't even look in a mirror without being utterly disgusted with myself. I feel that my cheeks and chin area is flabby and disgusting, that my thighs are HUMONGOUS, that my tummy is just blubber blubber and more blubber , and my arms are flabby and gross like teacher arms that jiggle DX. So recently I've been drinking nothing but water and when I eat I feel disgusted with the food and start to eat less and less. I've been exorcising like nuts and popping 6 diet pills a day. I'm starting to think I have a severe problem that mind end up with me being Bulimic or Anorexic. But I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! But every time I lose it it just seems to catch back up a few days later.

TLDR: I WANT TO SEE MY MUTHER FUCKIN' RIBS!!!!!

Huuuu The time has come. The dreaded moment of "Do I love my dolls". And as of the moment, no. In fact I'm highly dissatisfied, mainly because when I decided to start this hobby I was young and rushed into it hastily and blindly. I didn't know what I was doing at the time and now I know what I want. I'm thinking of selling Luci(yder), Vince(el), and my NaNuRi07 head.I probably won't bring Luci back, he was just created out of my lust for a particular doll mold. He's unimaginative and dull. Vince is just being sold so I may get him again but as a white skin sleeping eyed el. Friday will not be sold for I love him too dearly to ever sell him!!! All my dolls are in good condition with the exception that the Yder is "Beauty-Green" Not white. I will probably not accept layaway for the desire to have Vince back with me quickly (sorry). I'll post a feeler in the morning on DOA tomorrow to give me more time to think about it. If any one has any comments on the matter I would love to hear them :).

Also please excuse me for my lack of contact lately, school is draining me as well as emotional problems.

Happy late new year everyone!

Wow I haven't been on lj in the longest time. But I'm alive. . .barely :B.

Resolution: Lose 50lbs 8D (and not regain it)

GOPOWERRANGERSGOOOOOOOOO

Ho Ho Ho happy pre-halloween!

WARNING EXCESSIVE BABBLING AHEAD!:

So I was cleaning my room today, when I stumbled upon this 2 year old shoe box. Not really thinking about it I just was going to toss it in the garbage, but curiosity got me to look in it because why the fuck would I keep this thing? Low and Behold it's a shitload of notes and skits from freshman year. So I started to read a few and god damn I have not had that many giggles in a long time. Granted these were written when I had still been friends with this person. But after reading them I had really wanted to start writing and pick up with these old characters. They were fucking awesome plotlines (a few drabbles here and there) but JESUS! I had not felt this refreshed about characters in such a long time. But then as I'm starting to write the very first one it was like: Fuck half these characters aren't even mine so there's no fucking way I can. And this sucks. See for example: I have this character named Blac and he was paired with Ras (other person's character)But these two were like PERFECT for each other, and I can't imagine pairing Blac with anyone else. That's like taking Adam and Eve and sticking Eve with a coconut... it just doesn't work. But I was so ready to write about the two that I don't want to write about anyone else or create new ones. It has to be Blac x Ras! And then I start thinking about all the other characters and so I go looking for this 2 year old folder full of artwork from freshman year. ,:< And then BAM! ALL OF THE ART CHARACTERS WERE PAIRED WITH SOME FUCKER WHO WAS NOT MINE! UGH UGH UGH! Boy did I ever fuck myself over ;-; , but I'm attached to my characters so I quess I'm just stuck with a shitload of loaners and maybe I'll figure out someway to get my characters paired off again...


TL;DR: I FUCKING SCREWED MYSELF OVER D:!

PS: Blac rules :3

New Layout Design
I switched a few things around but I think it looks pretty awesome. The header I finished today to match my default icon, so please give advice and tell me what you think!